Today Redding was really gorgeous.  The temp was in the 80′s and there was a very nice breeze.  Craig and I were talking about going to breakfast and then maybe taking a short walk down at the Sacramento River Trail.  I really haven’t been on the trail before and I don’t know much about it.  I learned about it today!

We started out and it was beautiful.  I noticed these manmade wooden stumps that had numbers on them.  I didn’t realize at the time that 6.2 meant miles.  I am a fat chick there is no way I would agree to walk 6.2 miles!  We walked and walked and walked.  I noticed a few more of those stump things along the way.  Finally I asked Craig what are the numbers.  That was when I was informed of the mileage.  and there was no where to get off the path.    You either turned around and went back or you continued forward.  So Forward we went.

I at one point asked Craig to call Medivac and he wouldn’t.  I at that point text messaged a couple friends and asked them too.  They encouraged me to keep going.   I really would have preferred to be airlifted out but I guess it is true what they say “NO PAIN NO GAIN” (right Robin).  I did make Craig take a picture of me  when I made it back to the car.  I still think I was tortured!

I guess he thinks that since I have the exercise ball shrine that never gets disturbed that he would try and get me more active.  I must say that I complained less then Hope did which was nice.  I also need to say that for those of you who were thinking about buying Bali style Keens sandals, they were awesome.  Not a blister or sore foot to speak of.  I was mighty impressed.  Yes, I know that when you are thinking of going on a walk you should wear tennis shoes but I prefer to wear sandals.  I was making sure that there wasn’t any false advertising were Keens are concerned.  My wonderful sandals are listed as sports sandals!  Craig say I must show you the Ball Shrine so here it is. 

I’ve got the tools I just need to start using them!! 

It is about 10 o’clock at night.

The kids are asleep.

I am kind of tired.

I am thinking about things.

Things are alright in life.
There are some good things going on.
There are some not so good things going on.
My Life isn’t a bed of roses.

I can honestly sit here and say that I am Happy!

Are You?
If not is there anything I can do to help?
Feel free to email me if you want to talk privately.

Most of the time Happiness is just a choice you have to make.

What choice are you going to make?
Happiness or Something Else?

I first posted this in March, after doing serveral posts about my mom and then my father. I had wanted to cover forgiveness before moving on to other things. I noticed in the advice my mother gave me yesterday that she is concerned about me falling into a pit of dispair and unforgivness. And while I am glad for the warning, I feel that I have dealt with some of the issues that she has not.

Thanks for letting me unload my baggage. If you have been around awhile you can stop reading now.

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I plan on writing more about my life soon. My Grammy was my best mentor/mother/friend in my childhood, actually in my life. She has been gone for 14 years now but I still hear her telling me how to bring my life to the feet of Jesus. How no matter what I have done my Abba Father would still love me and accept me. Where as it brought up some feelings of resentment telling my mom’s story and feelings of great grief to talk about my dad. When I tell my story about my Grammy I will be full of laughter, love and pride.

I thought that before I moved on to happier aspects of my life I would first talk about forgiveness. We know that when we confess our sins to the Lord that he forgives our sins. That the slate is washed clean with Jesus’ blood.

Oh, what a joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
Whose sins are put out of sight.
Yes, what a joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of sin. – Romans 4:7-8

How come it is harder to forgive others sin against us than it is for God to forgive our sins against him? Am I the only one that has at one time or another been stuck on the hamster wheel of holding someone’s sins over their heads? Unable to forgive them for an action that hurt me? What about when you love the person and they hurt you? Break your trust? Use you? How easy is it to just turn the other cheek and say “I forgive you”?

What is Forgiveness? What is the true definition of it?
1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.

It took me a long time to really understand the depth of walking away from hurt. That I was suppose to treat that person as if nothing happened. But I also learned that the more unforgiveness I carried around the only one I was hurting was myself. I was stealing time from the Lord who wanted to work in my life. I was missing my blessings because I was stuck in unforgiveness.

One day I woke up and it was like God was sitting on the end of my bed. He was begging me to let him heal me. He told me to seek him first to heal my pain. At that moment I realized that I wanted the life he promised. I realized that I could forgive my mom for not being the best parent. I could forgive my dad for the things that were done to me but most of all for dying.

As I sit here today I reflect back on those things that caused me the most pain and I choose to not be a victim. I choose to be a Princess of my Divine Father! I am reconciled, loved, forgiven and most of all His child. My Heavenly Father Loves ME!!! YEAH!!! Guess what…..He loves all of you too.

Forgiveness is giving up hope
that you can change the past!

I received some advice this evening in a letter. I thought I would share it.

“Since you have chosen a life in religion I would wish only that you remember that God judges, you don’t. If you can accept people for what they are, and let God worry about their faith, and their beliefs you will be a happier person. And try to not hold grudges, both of your grandmothers were very unhappy, one reason was their absolute inability to let stuff go, to just start over with people or situations and try again, If there is any pit you might fall into, that is it. Forgive, try again, move on.”

This letter also had a statement that caught me off guard.

“First off, I am proud of the way you have decided to live your life. I feel like I have contributed something to the world that is good and not bad. If you get to almost 60 and see it that way, you will be blessed. Many Don’t.”

The final statement that I will share of this letter:

“Don’t forget, we are survivors. Your dad taught you how to hang out and find friends. I taught you to work and to survive. You got the best of both worlds.”

I think my mom had a lucid moment and actually just like said she was proud of me and complimented how I live my life. She even gave me advice about forgiveness. She has done none of these things for at least 20 years.

I’m thinking her letter makes up for sleeping through my 40th birthday.

Saturday is my 40th Birthday. I was born Friday the 13th in September of 1968. So people have asked me how does it feel to be middle-aged? Are you ready for a Mid-Life Crisis? Wrinkles? Menopause? Your Biological Clock Stopping Ticking?(that person really doesn’t know me…LOL) I suppose I am ready for all of those things.

I am not someone that is dreading my 40′s. I am actually thinking this is going to be one of the best decades of my life! My children will become adults. My life will become more mine and less theirs and my father in laws. I am looking forward to friendships with my children. I am looking forward to more freedom. I am looking forward to making my husband go places he really doesn’t want to go but will because I am going. I want to go on mission trips. I want to see things! I want to enjoy ourselves just the two of us.

OK…Enough of my ramblings. I am sure you will all get to hear more about my dreams and goals later. I would like to show you a goal I met recently. This first picture has been posted before when I first started MY PROJECT in April. I went to a Bon Jovi Concert with some friends. When I got this wonderful picture I really realized that I am a big fat cow. I decided to join Weight Watchers. For those of you that don’t know me or can’t guess…I am in the purple.

One of my goals was to lose 40 pounds by my 40th birthday. I achieved that goal Wednesday at weigh in. Alot of you have been very supportive and I hadn’t posted an update in a long time. I still have 20 more pounds in my total weight-loss goal. For now I am enjoying this goal. I am having potato salad this weekend. (I hear you Robin…I am going to use light mayo.) My husband wanted me to show you the difference so here I am tonight sitting in my dining room, 40.6 pounds lighter.

Happy Birthday to Me! The hard work has been worth it!Have a great weekend everyone!!! I plan on it!