In 30 days I will start a new life. I will be home in California. Homeless, Jobless and will have none of my possessions except what my suitcase holds. This should be scary but it is exciting.
This will be the first time in 25 years that I will be responsible for no one but myself. I will always be a mom but they are grown, have their own lives. This is the time that I remember looking forward to when I had my first child at 23.
It has been a hard time these last couple years with my walk with God. Then he awakened me and made me see that it isn’t my walk with Him that is hard…..It is my expectation of religion and church that is hard. I left California and a wonderful Church home 3 years ago. Moved to the South and thought that I would find a new church home. That has not been the case. I look forward to where He is going to lead me now.
I am embracing the future with enthusiasm. I am also finding at the moment that the seeking of Peace is coming easier than it has in a long, long time.
I know some of you in my day to day, others are from my past, some from nothing more than this internet forum. I am asking…. begging for prayer. It is hard to do. Especially from people that see me day to day. I have heard and prayed for many of you. Be it fertility, marriage issues, cheating, etc. I think this isn’t a new issue just one I haven’t had to deal with in the past, be it with me or you.
In October I had surgery. I had a 3 level anterior cervical discectomy and fusion. Basically they removed 3 discs in my neck. replaced them and then fused my vertebrae together. I had a 65% intrusion into my spinal cord. The doctor stated that if I had waited another year there was a very good chance I would be paralyzed. The procedure lasted 4 hours. I came out of it wonderfully. I have a nice scar on my neck. :)
I came home. I felt wonderful. That is what the surgery does. It is also what Norco does. For those of you that don’t know, it is a narcotic pain medication. 650mg every four hours. That is alot. It equals 12 pills in a 24 hour period. I have been on this dosage since October 3rd. Almost 5 months. I still have problems with my back that have kept me on disability. These problems justify the continuation of me taking this medication.
I don’t want to I have decided not to refill this prescription. I have decided that the haze I am in at times is not acceptable. I can get a refill. I don’t want it mentally. I know that over the next few days that my body will want it. This is where you come in. Please walk with me through this time of withdrawl. I know that my spirit will fight hard. My mind will fight hard. My body it is going to scream for more. I want to be delivered from it.
Please stand with me in prayer for that.
I am meditating on these verses:
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. –Isaiah 43:2-3a
I know that my Heavenly Father wants this for me. But to be honest….I feel weak.
On October 2, I will be having Surgery. I am having a 3 level Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion. At this point I am experiencing a 40% intrusion of my spinal column and chord.
For years I have had health issues. Such as Double Vision, Fatigue, Facial Numbness, Extreme Pain just to name a few. I am praying that this surgery alleviates some of these issues.
I’m scared. Just Sayin.